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Just my obscure, random and sometimes completely unrelated thoughts about life and faith in general.

Pride is my worship

Posted by Andi on June 13, 2010 at 4:52 PM

I'm writing this, just after our Sunday evening service, Arise. It's a contemporary worship and teaching service that the local Anglican church in our town launched just over 3 years ago. I got involved with Arise shortly after that, when I was invited to come on board and help develop the worship team.

Now, here I am, feeling compelled to write about these guys I've been journeying with, because I simply cannot contain myself. I wasn't leading the worship tonight and so was able to sit in with our congregation and enjoy being led. And oh how they led!

I came into the building just as they were concluding their sound check and rehearsal and was totally blown away by how they sounded, and standing at the back of the hall, I felt myself becoming so moved by what I could see and here. This group of guys that I've been working with over the last few years, many of them struggling with self belief issues, had grown in stature and confidence to such an extent that that I truly believe they could hold their own against some of the best I have heard. Of course I'm biased...I know I am – but they're my guys and so I have every right to be. I'm proud.

As I stood and listened to them, as they led me in worship, I wondered if this is something of how God feels when He looks at us, as we each take our first steps in life, learn how to walk, grow, learn from mistakes, try new things, discover gifts we never knew we had, take chances on hair brained schemes, pick ourselves up when we stumble, put ourselves in the firing line for others, when we manage to find a way to shine in spite of our circumstances...

My guys were brilliant tonight. I am so proud of them. It's not that they're perfect people by any means. As I looked at them, I see people I know and love. Real people. Beautifully imperfect, broken people shining to me, as brightly as stars. Looking at them over the last few years, I have seen what I believed they could become...and now, to my great pride and joy, I see them exceeding my expectations. This was my moment of pure worship, and my spirit soared as they shone in front of us all tonight.

What greater joy can there be in this life than to help another human being shine? This surely is the heart of God.

Motoring madness

Posted by Andi on June 1, 2010 at 2:29 PM

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The last day of our trip to the south of England and it's time to bed down for the night in a nice little hotel just south of Carlisle, north England, ready for the hop towards the ferry in the morning. So, I'm sitting in our hotel room winding down after 10 hours of driving the motorways of England; and believe me, as anyone who has ever had to do that will tell you, it takes time to relax after that.

I have to say, that our journey down through England to Cornwall over a week ago was considerably worse than the journey back north today. Partly because the traffic was definitely more intense on the first run, but also because I decided to do something different: I made a conscious choice not to get drawn into a “battling” mind set.

On the journey down, I have to admit that there were moments of considerable anxiety and frustration as I allowed myself to react to the other drivers around me. Motorway driving is essentially loosely organised madness at break neck speed, and an environment that lends itself to bringing out the worst in people; but it is also, I think, a good metaphor for life.

On the motorway, everybody has their eye on the prize, the final destination that they are heading towards. Some are intent on getting there as fast as they can, and woe betide any mere mortal who stands in their way. Other's are focused on getting there a safely as they can, and ultimately drive in a fashion that annoys the life out of those who are intent on getting there as fast as they can. There are the huge juggernauts that dominate the lanes through sheer size, cutting there way through the traffic like elephants stampeding through an afternoon tea party; and then there are the rest of us who are just hoping to get to where we are headed in at least one piece.

It only takes a few moments on that great swathe of grey asphalt to discover that the most sedate of us can be turned into a raging monster. And what does it? What causes such a manic metamorphosis? Ourselves! Yes folks...it's us.

What I began to realise on the journey down, after much blood sweat and tears (ok...a little poetic license there), was that I was inventing personalities for the drivers in the other cars. Yes there were plenty of occasions where I was cut up, tail gated and held up by the safety squad, but the crucial part was not what some other driver did or did not do...it was how I reacted to them. I started to realise that I was actually projecting on to other motorists my own frustrations. It even got to the stage where I would almost look at another car and see it as “the enemy” and wouldn't settle until I had passed them and left them far behind. And it would have to be far behind, because I would still be glaring at them in my rear view mirror.

This lunacy, I decided, couldn't be allowed to repeat itself after 10 days in the relaxing sea air of Cornwall. So, as I mentioned, I decided to not allow myself to be drawn into any more “road wars” on the return journey. And you know something...it worked a treat. Now, that's not to say there were not a few moments where it was touch and go and 'Evil Andi' wanted to take over the driving; but on the whole, it turned out to be a much more civilised drive, arriving at our destination in one piece, on time and more importantly...still married.

So the life metaphor?

How many times do I make enemies of people in my head before I even get to know them? How many times do I assume I know how someone is going to react, or the reasons for why they acted in a certain way in the first place? How many times do I just react, instead of stepping back and allowing a situation to just pass over me? Why do I always think I have something to prove and so get upset when someone either gets in my way or passes me by?

Why don't I just get over myself and learn to relax? Because I'll still get there in the end, on time...but in a lot better shape than if I spend my life fighting imaginary wars.

Let the peace of God be your guide.

Home is where the heart is

Posted by Andi on May 27, 2010 at 3:58 PM

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I spent a bit of time today visiting some of my family who still live in the village where my Mum was born and grew up. My Grandmother, Aunt and Uncle still live there and my Mum is actually staying with them at the same time that we are in the area, so we were able to have a little bit of an impromptu family get together.

Inevitably as my Mum and I chat, the topic of conversation often comes round to how the personality of the village has changed as the years have progressed, and as more and more family members and friends have either moved away or died.

I remember each year, as we would spend a good part of the summer holidays staying with my Great Granny, being able to reacquaint ourselves with the same people in the village. It was literally a little home from home that we looked forward with ever increasing excitement to spending our summer weeks in every year, and that hasn't diminished the older we have all become. Yet we have all noticed the same thing as the years progress: that the fewer people we know in the village – the less we all feel connected to it, even though the village holds some of our most emotive memories.

You see, people make the difference. Yes, there are places in the world that inspire and lift us, but I believe the greatest connections to places always involve other people: family members, friends, neighbours, first loves, lost loves...the list could go on. We still love visiting the village that my Mum hails from, but to be honest, the fewer people we know, the less warm the village feels.

As I write this, in one of my most favourite places on the planet, I realise that the reason I love it so, is because of the memories of my younger days with my family and especially my Great Grandmother who spoilt me rotten as a child. I still miss her and the love she had for me; and to be back here, in the place where she spent all her life is comforting and refreshing for me. But at the same time, I am conscious that I feel the draw of my home in Northern Ireland. And what keeps that connection so strong? Love. My love for people back home. You see it's a true thing that home is most certainly where the heart is.

I remember Bill Wilson from Metro Ministries saying that he felt that he had learned far too late that life was simply all about people – not business, money, gaining power or notoriety...it was simply all about people. I think, therefore, that loving others and allowing them to love us in return is the true essence of life and what creates the most powerful connections of all. So we should celebrate these connections. We should celebrate life. We should celebrate the people that God has allowed into our lives and those especially, who have left the deepest footprints in our hearts; and we should let them know...we love them.

The boats point the way

Posted by Andi on May 26, 2010 at 4:52 PM

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Sitting in a hotel looking out over Falmouth harbour, across to the village where my Mother's family originate, I have just noticed something that has never before occurred to me in all the trips that I have had to this most wonderful of destinations.

It's a calm evening with not even a hint of a breeze moving the air, giving the water in the harbour a glassy appearance, reflecting almost perfectly each of the eclectic gathering of maritime vessels dotted around this history filled haven from the sea. And it was while I was staring somewhat absent mindedly at the tranquil scene laid out before me that something slowly began to dawn on me: all the yachts and boats in the harbour were pointing in exactly the same direction...without exception.

Up until today, I had never really paid that much attention to what way boats, yachts and ships would point. I assumed it was something quite random, but looking at the scene before me now, I'm changing my opinion because there is obviously something more going on that I had previously been unaware of. And what is it that I have been missing all this time? A current, unseen to the eye, but quite plainly felt by even the smallest of the vessels anchored below me. A current that is invisibly orienting all those boats in one, uniform direction. A current that is only truly seen through the effect it creates on this, calm Cornish evening.

“Be still and know that I am God...” is how Psalm 46 puts it.

I've written about it before, but I'm still hovering around it and it is becoming more powerful in my mind the more I consider it, especially given what I am looking at right now.

I believe that even nature testifies to the true essence of life – that there is an invisible life giving flow that has the potential to point us all in the right direction if we simply allow ourselves to trust. A flow which emanates from God Himself. A flow of pure love that will bring us all into true unity of purpose and existence if we would only learn to be still...to cease from our fear driven striving and simply to trust the anchor of love that holds us to Jesus – to God. He will never leave us or forsake us...never.

So why fight when you can float and discover the true power of the flow that points us to God?

Bird stealing cars!

Posted by Andi on April 23, 2010 at 5:03 AM

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I literally have just got back from dropping my wife to work and had to grab my laptop and blog something that we saw as we pulled into the car park.

Just as we were pulling up to the main doors where I usually drop Grace off, we noticed a little bird. Now there's nothing inherently unusual about seeing a little bird and it wasn't a particularly rare one either, but it was what we saw our little feathered friend doing that at first caught my eye and prompted me to point it out.

When we first pulled into the car park, I couldn't help but notice this small bird flying frantically around one of the parked cars. At first I thought nothing of it, until I realised that it seemed to be up to something, because it was hovering around the drivers window as if trying to see inside the car.

My first reaction was of course “Oh my goodness that little bird is trying to steal that car!”

I hurriedly reassessed that conclusion however, in light of the fact that it couldn't possibly be planning to pinch a Ford Fiesta...because it's little legs would never reach the pedals. And what kind of stupid bird would try and break into a car in broad daylight? Surely not. So I looked again and saw something more revealing...

The little bird was now frenetically flying at the wing mirror of the car like some sort of deranged berserker. Suddenly, it dawned on me what it was doing: it was fighting...itself! Our little feathered friend had spotted itself in the mirror of the car and, not realising it was just a reflection, decided to see off the invader. Who knows what was going through it's mind? Did it see a territorial invader, or a love rival perhaps? Or maybe it had seen this “other bird” out of the corner of it's eye while trying to size up the car for a “job” and thought to itself “Get out of it mate. This is my turf!”

Whatever the reason (I'm going with the Car racket-turf war scenario), it was plain to those of us who were objectively observing the scene, that the little bird was wasting an awful lot of energy fighting itself – and how often we are exactly the same.

I've had that kind of week, and felt like I've been a bit like a yo-yo; but I realise that most of my own difficulties in life come from a very simple misunderstanding of what is actually going on. The natural tendency in all of us is to project onto other people and circumstances, our own ego inspired world view. You see, I believe that what the Bible calls sin is not simply what we do wrong, but is fundamentally how we see. The wrong things that we do are merely a symptom of sin – a twisted lens through which we see the world. We are born into a very Ego-centric world view that tells us it's all about us...or more accurately...ME. It is the concept of ME that is at the root of the Ego-centric mind that drives us to project false perceptions onto others, leading us into regualr over reactions. How many times have you rehearsed an argument with someone in your head before you have actually approached them? Many, if you are like me. We all do it. We all project onto others what is actually inside of us.

So just like this little bird, we only succeed in fighting, ultimately, with ourselves. Wasn't it Jesus who said we had to die to ourselves? He wasn't simply talking about sacrifice. I believe He was leading us into the true Kingdom of God where the Ego is put to death, and peace can finally reign in our hearts. Once we are at peace with ourselves, then I'm sure we will find it much less likely to find ourselves in pointless confrontations and fights.

I have a suspicion...

Posted by Andi on April 9, 2010 at 5:17 AM

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It's hard to believe that Easter has once again been and gone and thoughts are now turning towards the summer. It just doesn't seem like a year since I was making plans to head off to Nashville.

Easter has left me with more than little sense of unease this year. Over the last few years I have had the privilege of leading the worship at the combined Holy Week services in my home town. I really love these services. The thought of us all getting together during Easter to celebrate what Christ won for us is just so inspiring to me; but to be honest, this year, more than others, I felt we were missing something: people. Now don't get me wrong, relatively we had some great crowds in the church, with the last night probably pushing the 600 mark; but in reality...that was a pretty poor turn out when you bear in mind that, like every other average town of our size, we have our fair share of churches, with almost one on every street corner.

So what's happened? What's happened to us that we struggle to gain any sort of combined momentum during one of the greatest Christian celebrations of the year?

So here's my theory: we've gotten just too darned suspicious.

It's a constant source of amazement to me at just how suspicious we can get within our little denominations. We're constantly buying into the false idea that “We are the only ones who are doing it right”. My work takes me in and out of many different churches, and I see the subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) undertones of exclusivity every where I go. There seems to be a deep vein of suspicion running through our modern Christian experience, and the longer we fail to dig it out, the more fragmented we appear to become. And I have a feeling that this suspicion is being fuelled by the worst of all emotions: Fear.

It's fear that drives us to unwittingly encourage the suspicion of each other. Perhaps we're so afraid that some of our church members might decide to go the church down the road for whatever reason, so we foster the notion the “we are the only true guardians of truth”, when in fact the church down the road are thinking the very same thing. The real difficulty with this kind of fear driven suspicion. is that it can cause us to eventually turn in on ourselves as we begin to suspect that the person next to us may be drifting from the “true path”, which leads us to treat them differently; and believe me, I know what it's like to have those suspicious eyes give me the third degree because I'm longer going along with everything the religious crowd says is right. But the logical conclusion of this culture of suspicion is that it can also eventually turn in on ourselves to the point where we even begin to castigate ourselves to the point of unhealthy and, in fact, actual health damaging guilt.

Point your finger in any direction and you'll find four pointing right back at you.

I think that this fear inspired suspicion is the very thing that has the potential to unhinge our current church experience, and that may not be a bad thing. The old ways look tired to me. I don't know about you, but I'm hungry for a new expression of faith in this world. A faith that embraces people for who they are and what they can become, not what “we” say they should be. A faith that doesn't claim to have all the answers but accepts that life is a journey of exploration, not a lecture theatre where all you seem to learn is just how bad you really are. A faith that isn't all about people fitting into a pre-defined immoveable model, but that is flexible enough to cope with people's basic humanity, in whatever form that takes. A faith that doesn't write someone off as being a “waste of a life” because they happen to struggle with something that simply seems inconceivable to us. A faith that doesn't engender a constant disappointment in people who are broken, but simply celebrates the life that God has gifted us with and seeks to help those who are lost in the crevices of a world's system where the default setting is “self-destruct”.

The fact our town struggles to get a mere fraction of the Christian community together for an Easter celebration is surely an indication that we're badly in need of some kind of change in direction or thinking because, let's face it...if we really believed that we actually had real life in the church, then there wouldn't have been a building big enough to house us all.

Faith for chocolate

Posted by Andi on March 29, 2010 at 10:19 AM

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The other day, as I was in the queue of my local filling station, I experienced the most wonderful example of child-like faith I have ever seen.

So, there I was...in a queue waiting my turn to be served, when a little boy of no more that 6 years old, came through the automatic doors. He immediately looked straight up into my face and said hello. I smiled and returned the greeting, chuckling to myself. Disappearing behind some shelving my little friend reemerged with a little bag of chocolate shapes, which he promptly displayed for me to see, mumbled something to himself and then disappeared around the other side of the confectionary display for a second time. Turning to the person behind me I smiled and informed them that I had no idea who this little visitor was. Moments later, however he reappeared, holding a second acquisition; this time a little chocolate bar, explaining to me in very serious tones that it was for someone called “Luka”, or something like that.

The customer directly ahead of me had finished at the checkout and so I said to my short friend that he could go ahead of me and pay the man at the checkout. So, without any fuss, he walked straight up to the checkout operator and handed his two items over, and upon hearing the how much they would cost (the princely sum of £1.39), promptly handed over what looked like 10p. The guy behind the checkout bent down to the little boy and told him that it wasn't enough, but he still persisted in trying to go ahead with his transaction with great determination. He just simply wasn't going to be put off. The guy behind the till tried in vain again to explain the situation to the little boy. By this time I was totally enraptured with this little drama and couldn't wait to get involved; so, delving into my pocket and reaching over the head of this brave little conquistador, I handed the money over to the bemused checkout guy and told him that I would get it for him. The little boy, upon getting the nod from the guy behind the desk, promptly vanished as quickly as he had appeared...and I laughed to myself as I wondered how many times that had worked for him in the past.

But I loved his faith. His simple child-like faith told him that all you had to do if you wanted something was go into the shop, pick what you want and give the man whatever you had to get it. There was obviously no doubt in his mind that this would not be successful...and he was right.

If this is how child-like faith works, then I want it. So I'm off now to try it for myself and I'm going to buy a 50'' Flat-Screen Plasma TV and Sky 3-D entertainment package with £3.50. I think my chances are good.

Be still and feel the rhythm

Posted by Andi on March 23, 2010 at 7:36 AM

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I've been spending this morning resting, and I've needed it. It's been a busy last few months with a lot of different things happening, and it's looking like a busy few months up ahead...so this morning, armed with a raging headache, I felt the need to take some time to rest – to be still. To find some space where my thoughts don't crowd in and where I can concentrate on just being me.

So as I've been sitting here concentrating on just BEING (which in itself is something of a juxtaposition), my mind began to hover around one little phrase found in Psalm 46 v 10:

Be still and know that I AM God...

So I began to wonder what “Be still” actually meant. Out came the computer I was so desperate to avoid this morning and I began to search the web for the meaning of this phrase and what I found was so cool that I thought I would share it with you.

This little phrase “Be still” comes from the Hebrew word Rapha, which means to: Let go, to sink, to relax, to let drop, to be disheartened, to let alone, to be quiet, to relax...

If the Psalms had been written over here in Northern Ireland, then I think the author might well have put it like this: “Will you just wind your neck in and know that I AM God...”

As I allowed this little phrase to soak into me, I think I began to get a sense of what it meant to me. Over the last while I have become more aware than ever of a natural flow and rhythm to life. Life just keeps going no matter what. Circumstances come and go but life continues unhindered by it all. Our world has seen some deeply traumatic events in its history, but life still goes on. The rhythm still beats and the flow still...well...flows.

Lately I am beginning to feel like I am part of a narrative that is telling the story of my life, and it's amazing to me the more I think of it. As I look back on what I have experienced so far and what I am experiencing even now, I am increasingly coming to the conclusion that you just couldn't write this stuff if you tried.

If God had sat me down at the beginning of my life and said “Ok son, now I want you to write out what is going to happen in your life.”, then I think I would have come up with something that would have been the equivalent of a first grade attempt to describe “Your favourite day out.” Whereas my story so far has been one of intense moments of happiness and tears, joy and sadness, love and heartache, triumph and tragedy – it's just been full of life. And I am more of the opinion now, that I am still only in the opening chapters. The scene has barely been set and the key characters have only just been established.

So what of being “still” then? I think what God is saying to us through this little phrase, is that the best thing we can do is literally just go with the flow – to learn to move our feet to the rhythm. You see, I know people who spend so much energy trying to resist the flow of life because it goes against everything they believe about how it should work. But how on earth can we know that? As far as I know, this is my first go round – so how can I possibly know what way life is “supposed” to work? I'm constantly being caught off guard by life and it's bizarre twists and turns. I am stunned almost on a daily basis by what is actually inside of me, let alone what comes sauntering around the corner in the “real” world.

So many people are pushing and pressing, flailing and fighting, beating and bashing in order to make some headway in their lives, when all they are doing is probably exhausting themselves trying to get back upstream. Isn't it funny how nostalgia changes our perception of days gone by? I used to really hate SKA music when I was a teenager. I was into the New Romantic stuff and detested groups like the Specials and Madness. But now I'm older and I have drifted beyond those halcyon days, I find that my desire to recapture those years of yore actually makes me want to listen to that music.

How much effort therefore, are we using trying to recapture days that are gone? How much energy are we wasting trying to swim back upstream because we're just simply afraid to see what's ahead of us.

Be still is what God says. Let go. Relax. Chill and yes...be disheartened if need be. Allow yourself to be disheartened in your own efforts to DO, and allow the flow of life to carry you – allow the rhythm of life to reach you feet. Stop trying to dance like they did in the 60's, 70's and 80's and learn the steps of today...hear the rhythm of the NOW.

God is the flow of life. God is the rhythm of life. So sit back and...know Him.

Message

Posted by Andi on February 18, 2010 at 2:17 PM

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This entry is more of an appeal...Earle "Early bird" Smith. Thanks for your message, but could you send me your email address so I can send you a reply?

2010 The story so far...

Posted by Andi on January 12, 2010 at 1:02 PM

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Here’s a bit of an update “bloggy” thing to let you know what I’m up to:

I’m so thankful for the last year and all the wonderful things that Grace and I have experienced and all the new people who have come into our lives, both locally here in Northern Ireland, throughout the UK and also our new extended family over the pond in Nashville, TN.

2009 was a year that, as well as bringing many new things along, also saw the resurrection of some aspects of my work that I thought I had left behind, with me feeling inspired to return to painting. I had previously stopped producing any art work at all in 2006, after my Dad passed away as well as finding myself suffering with depression towards the end of that year which subsequently took a lot longer to fully recover from. So to feel inspired once again during the latter part of last year to paint was actually quite unexpected for me, and I found it a great source of encouragement to have my work so well received by so many people. So I’m intending to have at least one exhibition locally this year with a view to looking at other venues around the country as well as internationally. (Might as well aim high I reckon.)

2010 is already shaping up to be something of a significant year in itself. My work with Arise in Lurgan continues in a great atmosphere of anticipation as more people have been joining the worship team and seeing their gifts released. We’re excited as a ministry to see what lies ahead for us all as well as for the greater work of Shankill Parish, within which Arise functions.

January has also seen me embark on a six month project with a lovely church in the neighbouring city of Lisburn where I have been invited in for a six month period to develop the worship ministry in Kingdom Life. Their senior Pastor, Brian Agnew, called me just before our trip to Nashville to discuss the project with me and to see if I would be interested. I just love working with and encouraging people and so it was really a bit of a “no-brainer” for me. So we’re already two weeks into our walk with Kingdom Life and I love every minute of it. It is just such a joy to meet and spend some time with more wonderful people.

I’ll also be continuing my contact with the Elim church in Caledon, a place that is so close to my heart.

I’ve been rehearsing with my new band over the last few months of 2009 and so we’re just about ready to be let loose on an unsuspecting public. Our intention is to start doing more concerts together over the next year, which is something of a change for me as I tend to do most gigs in an acoustic set up. I have been blessed with some great musicians who are also friends and I know we are going to have an awesome time playing for people and leading them in worship.

Apart from all of that stuff, I am just so thankful for everything God has allowed me to experience over the last few years. I have changed so much as a person and that has a great deal to do with the experiences that God has taken me through and, more importantly, the people He has brought into my life. Life is about people. Without others in our lives, I believe we miss the point of existence. Life is not about making money, gaining influence or having all you needs met… I believe it’s about sharing with others and allowing them to share with you. I am deeply grateful for every person who has influenced me for good so far and I would not be who I am today without them. Some I see frequently, some I see occasionally and others are far out of my reach. But wherever they are, I want them to know…thank you. When people touch you deeply, they leave something of themselves with you and it is my joy and a great source of comfort in my own life to carry those marks of love with me wherever I go.

Grace and I want to wish you all a very happy and blessed New Year and our prayer and hope for you is that you discover and experience more of God’s love in your life and that you find the real joy in life, which is sharing that love with everyone you come in contact with.

Bless you,

Andi

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